Thursday, September 12, 2013

Rotten Core but Thick Fruit

As I mentioned in last week's post, my mother died unexpectedly a few weeks ago. My biggest concern was how my father was going to handle this, they have been married for around 40 years and pretty much everything he does has her in mind. What is he going to do now that she is gone? When I first got into town my sister and I had a conversation and she said our dad is planning on going back to church. This actually made me happy, he grew up in the church and when I was growing up he always seemed to take a lot of joy in church activities. It seems like it would be good for him to get back to something like that.

I found it somewhat surprising that this is the reaction I had to my dad going to church. My opinion of Christianity is pretty low, why would I want my dad to take part in it? Well...It is a set thing to do once a week, come down to a place and be surrounded by other people. Take part in a bit of ceremony, mill about and talk to people before and after, and I think he enjoys some aspects of the actual service, such as the music. Ultimately it is the social aspect that I want for him. If he misses a week, someone in the church will probably notice and give him a call to make sure he's okay (not just because he missed a week and people there are fanatical, but because they know what he just went through). I like the idea that he will have something to do every week to keep him from spending all of his time milling about in his house by himself. Furthermore, my dad is the kind of guy to get involved in things. If the church runs a soup kitchen he will volunteer to help out, and again, it will be a good social thing for him. I don't often think about the good things that come from church, but there is definitely a good side of it. Along these lines, I also spent a lot of time observing and listening to people as well as reflecting on what I heard people talking about when I was growing up. The take-away message that many regular church-goers have is that Jesus is a good guy and they should be more like him. If that's what they get out of church I'm all for it. The church does bear some fruit, and I think there is an argument to be made the the fruit is thick.

However, the core is rotten. The central tenet of Christianity is that we are all sinners, we all deserve to be tortured for eternity, but if we ask God for forgiveness we can go to paradise instead. There are many other things about Christianity that I have issues with, but most of them vary from church to church. This one, however, seems to be pretty constant. It is necessary really, it's the reason we need Jesus. And I think this core message, the idea that we are all inherently evil, infects everything that the church does. A simple example, an aunt of mine (who doesn't know I'm an atheist) was talking to me about the importance of including religion in my son's upbringing. Within her pep talk, she randomly mentioned that we are all sinners and we all do bad things. She then quickly included "at the very least everyone has bad thoughts". Something about the offhanded inclusion of thought-crimes just to drive home the point that we are all evil really stuck out to me.

So I had these things rolling around in my head while I was sitting in the pew with my dad on Sunday morning. I got this picture of a nice thick, juicy apple that represents the church. There is plenty of good stuff in there. But the core is rotten, and that rot has tendrils reaching out for the edge. Go ahead, take a bite, you'll get some good stuff, but it's pretty difficult not to get a taste of the rot as well.
Behold my amazing artistic skills

9 comments:

  1. It sounds like your dad is finding ways to cope with your mom's death, and that is good in and of itself. Of course your dad, even though he isn't an atheist, highlights the need for local atheist/humanist groups to offer the godless the same sort of services (sorry, couldn't help with the pun) as churches do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I completely agree. I'm not exactly sure what form it would take, but I like the idea of a regular get-together that is non-specific. Getting together for some particular purpose (Godless gamers, knitting circle, whatever) is great, but just having everyone get together in one place is nice as well.

      Delete
  2. I think your dad will get a lot out of going to church. That siad it would be nicer if there was just a community centre that catered for the same thing. As you say the core is rotten and for this reason it does not need affirmation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed, it is definitely pulling me in two directions. I have no love for the church at all, and yet I think it will be good for him. I think part of it is whatever damage the church does has already been embedded into my dad. All of their toxic lessons have been preached to him his whole life. Anything that I find objectionable he's not going to be hearing for the first time (or for the 100th for that matter). So the downside doesn't seem like a problem, the upside is pretty good though.

      Delete
  3. Now I wouldn't recommend church specifically, but your dad does need to get out into the world and reconnect with other people, that's extremely important after the death of a spouse. My grandmother, after my grandfather died, just locked herself up in her house and withered away, refusing to talk to anyone, refusing to make new friends, refusing to do anything. She died within 3 years of my grandfather. My mother, on the other hand, after my father died, got out, made new friends, spends a lot of time online talking to people and she's thriving a decade after my father's death. While a church is certainly a place to get socially active, you're right, there's a lot of poison that comes along with it. Maybe you ought to look into some secular activities for him to get involved in, revolving around hobbies or interests, and he might not need to get brain poison pumped into his head every Sunday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, that's exactly what I was worried about, him spending all of his time by himself in the house and just kinda withering away. Fortunately it seems he's doing a pretty good job of putting himself out there and being with people. Plus a lot of people are keeping their eyes on him.

      I think a hobby would be great, but it does take some time to find something that interests him and to find a group of people and such. I tried throwing a few ideas out at him but nothing really stuck so far. Might just be too early.

      Delete
    2. Which is why people should have hobbies all along, hobbies that don't necessarily include or involve their significant others, so that in times you have to be alone (not necessarily the death or injury of one's mate), you have something to do and you don't go crazy.

      Delete
  4. I think a lot of what is wrong with Christian churches these days has to do with whether the minister is kind and progressive enough to have tapped into what is rotten about the core...where it all originated from and how it has been interpreted down though the millenniums. A lot of folks I know find peace going to church and don't let it bother them the rest of the week. That method I don't have a problem with and if your Dad knows a lot of folks in his church, he will get a lot of support and hopefully has a mind of his own like you do to help him know what to accept and what to ignore. If you don't mind me asking, how old is he?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's good to hear that some church leaders are trying to dispense with the toxic center of the christian message, and it is good when people can get something out of church and not let it completely take over their lives. I've had friends in this category, but it does shape their thinking in subtle ways. The message that there is something fundamentally wrong with you seems to seep it's way in.

      My parents were both in their early 60s

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...